Animated Atrocities 59/Transcript
Disclaimer: Some viewers may find this disturbing --''' '''Mr. Enter: Stop, right. (clears throat) "Some viewers..." I want you all to listen to me very carefully, first of all. If you don't know what a placenta is, you're too young to watch the review of this episode. As for the episode itself, I don't think that I'm old enough to watch the actual episode. But here we are. I've reviewed many terrible episodes from a variety of different cartoons. And I thought that I could take on anything. But this one almost tapped me out. It can change who you are. Beyond just giving you nightmares, or making you think that the writer's a sadistic fuck. It has the ability to kill hope. It has the ability to kill sanity. It has the ability to kill innocence. I may be going down here, but I'm bringing this fucker down with me. "Animated Atrocities" opening sequence Mr. Enter: Before we begin, let's see how we got here. After Viacom bought Nickelodeon, they made stupid decision after stupid decision, we already established that. But here, was one of their worst. Reviving Ren and Stimpy as an adult cartoon. An "Adult Party Cartoon" if you will. I would say it gives a good argument for censorship but this is actually what a cartoon would be like if the censors were reversed. I'm getting all kinds of conflicted reports cause no one wants to take the blame, and I don't blame them. But the executives kept forcing in, let's call them "adult themes." That being said, John K. made the first episode of the Adult Party Cartoon "Onward and Upward" entirely out of gross-out jokes, because a fan asked him to. And Richard Pursel, the writer of this episode moved onto SpongeBob and helped write such classic episodes as "A Pal for Gary" and "Pet Sitter Pat". So NO ONE is innocent here. Yeah, one of the guys who create this episode is working on a children's cartoon. Fan-fucking-tastic! They all helped create this demon and each one of them gets the blame. Card of "Ren Seeks Help" Love the title card by the way. The episode starts with the most pleasant of sounds... to the episode beginning with Stimpy crying in a very ear grating manor Yeah, the first few minutes of this episode is incredibly annoying, because it is literally 3 straight minutes of Stimpy crying. Stimpy: "How can you say those horrible thing to me?!" Mr. Enter: ...and having shitty grammar. Also, you'll notice that the original voices didn't come back. Ren: I'm sorry, Stimpy. Stimpy: You bastard! Ren: I don't know why I do these things to you! Mr. Enter: They thought that this new show was too raunchy. I wonder why. But even as someone who didn't watch the original, even I noticed that Ren's voice is off. Maybe they were trying to make him sound older, but it's just really distracting. continues crying as dramatic music plays Literally all the sound effects in this show are stock. No, really. I have some of these sound effects saved on my computer. And I was able to get them for free. to a clip from Dusk's Dawn People use the sound effects in amateur YouTube projects. Ren: I know I'm insane, Stimpy. Mr. Enter: Wanna remember that for me? It's the only line in this scene that has any importance whatsoever. Ren decides to seek help to control his vile urges. His words, not mine. Stimpy: Don't do it for me. Don't do it for me. Do it... FOR YOURSELF!!!! Not knowing whether they're being serious or comical is going to be a constant problem with this episode, and its biggest problem. Mr. Enter: Was this supposed to be some kind of joke? Otherwise, they're just beating in the point that Ren really screwed up, something they've been hammering in for the last two minutes of this twenty-two minute episode. Stimpy: I'm gonna kill you. Mr. Enter: Hey, Stimpy, you're getting a little ahead of me, here. Wait until the peeps at home figure out what Ren did first. Wait for it... and three, two, one. bawls loudly, causing all of the windows in the house to break and the roof to fly off and come crashing back down Ow! Thanks for that, jackasses! Udders? Uh-w-what? Okay, bloated udders? I-I-I don't get the joke. Farmer Jim better get back to work before he gets charged with animal neglect, but that's about it. What you'll notice very quickly is that scenes drag a lot in this thing. It feels like a seven minute episode, but as I said prior, it's extended to twenty-two minutes. And a lot of people say that this is the Adult Party Cartoon episode that has the strongest plot. Comparatively. A no-plot 22 minute episode is worse than a heinous 11 minute episode, but a heinous 22 is worse than a no-plot 22 minute episode. Personally, I prefer no plot over the plot they decide to tell here. This walk cycle is entirely pointless. Sure, they try making a joke, but it doesn't really make much sense. You know, it just hit me. This walk of shame would probably work better as a second act, where we already saw what he did and then we see him feeling guilty about it. When you're playing it for drama, that's what you have to do. You can't just suggest that Ren did something horrible. You've got to show hat he did. Eventually, and I do mean eventually, Ren makes it to a place simply called "Help" and the walk cycle continues until he gets to Dr. Mr. Horse. Horse is seen smoking a pipe while Ren opens the door as dramatic music plays Okay, professionals. You only use that sound effect when there's supposed to be some tension. He's going to a therapist, and Mr. Horse isn't threatening in the slightest! Speaking of that, this is your last chance. the "Viewer Discretion is Advised" title card This is where the episode brings us to Hell. It's going to show us some fucking screwed up things, and I'm not going to censor anything. Doing so would defeat the purpose of this review. Except me, obviously. Everyone out who wants to go out? Good. Ren says that he needs help, and then, as slowly as possible, asks if he should lie on the couch attempts to climb onto the couch Ren: Can you... see me do it? Mr. Horse: off-camera I see you doin' it. Ren: successfully climbing onto the couch and not moving his mouth I done it. Mr. Horse: off-camera Yes, you have. Mr. Enter: Oh, for the love of God! Really? You added voices after the episode was animated?! from Puppy in my Pocket I'd expect this in some kind of low-budget kids' movie where the "professionals" incorrectly assumed that kids needed constant talking in order to stay entertained. But, this was aimed at adults. It was aired on a television show for adults. I assume that you put some effort into it. from Ctr + Alt + Delete Some of the lowest budget shit that I've ever seen didn't have this problem! Ren begins to say what a horrible person he is. Ren: I'm not crazy, or anything?! Mr. Enter: Oh, don't worry. I don't actually think that Ren is crazy. Mr. Horse: Of course not, Mr. Hoek. Mr. Enter: Okay, seriously? Ren never told Mr. Horse his name! This wouldn't bother me so much, but they had three minutes of NOTHING, and then they dubbed over fully animated footage! You'd think that someone could have noticed that Ren never told Mr. Horse his name! Mr. Horse calms him down and wants to see how sick Ren really is. Ren: Should I tell you about by childhood? Mr. Enter: Please... please don't. Ren: Long ago... It was dark... and stinky... Mr. Enter: He actually remembers being in uteral. I'm... I'm not kidding. We see a Ren fetus heading towards... the light, so to speak. We see some nurses smoking in the operating room because of course there is. And then, the doctor slaps Ren across the body. And yeah, I-I-I really wanted to see a naked, newborn Ren, just like how I wanted to see the doctor slice the umbilical chord and have blood spray everywhere. And do you know what I definitely wanted to see? Bambi coming into the hospital and eating the placenta. More importantly, Ren decides that he doesn't want to be hurt, but he wants to inflict pain on others. "Viewer Discretion is Advised" title card appears once more, above it is the caption Ren's Birth - Mr. Froggy - Chainsaw Sex - Ending Part 1 - Ending Part 2 That was worst scene number one over. There are, like, four more to go, by the way. So, Ren starts pulling the legs off of a caterpillar one by one, and we get to see this, while he screams in agony. I said that Ren isn't insane, but doesn't this strike you as crazy? Let's talk about the difference between crazy and evil, because the writers clearly don't know what it is. Crazy follows logic that is foreign to the real world. Evil follows real-world logic to do heinous acts. Ren understands that pain is bad. He just wants to inflict it on others. If he thought that pulling the legs off a catapillar, while we're forced to hear his screams of agony, would be helping him in some way, then he would be crazy. But no, he just wants to inflict pain because he gets enjoyment out of it. That-that is... literally evil. And this scene, like the others, goes on and on. I don't think I'm shedding a light on anything when I say that this is obscenely hard to watch. Like, I don't know if the writers think that because they're doing it to animals, it's supposed to be funny, but it's not. For one, the animals in this episode don't deserve it, unlike say, Tom from Tom and Jerry, ''and two, it's not even attempting to be comedic. On to the next scene! Ren found a tick. Yeah, he licks the tick with... his tongue? I-I think. I don't know; it has a stinger on it for some reason. '''Ren: '''All the other kids loves Christmas. But my favorite holiday was always Mister Firecracker Day. '''Mr. Enter: '''Okay, what's the point here? Yes, I know, to show that Ren is fucked up in the head, but why? This show is supposed to be a comedy, right? If it was meant to be a psychological thriller, then Ren needs more of a reason than he was slapped as a baby. If he was bullied at school, if his parents were abusive, then maybe. But instead, it's trying to make a horrific story comedic, and it fails ''HORRIBLY. ''Eventually, Ren finds his first frog and begins poking and prodding it. I'm telling you guys right now that it's not going to get easier from here on out. It really isn't. He starts out by shoving fireworks up the frog's ass, then he rides a tricycle on the frog until its guts go flying out of his mouth. During the original recording, I walked away. I tried telling myself "It's just a cartoon," but... it's not. It's not, really. Then Ren hooks up some jumper cables to the frog and electrocutes him. ''clip of "Pet Sitter Pat" Then, he moves on to a house cat. Oh, sorry. That's just the writer. No, Ren has other problems in mind. But first... frog smiles until he spontaneously bursts into flames Frog: ''WWWHHHYYYYYY?!?!?!?!?!'' Mr. Enter: '''God, that is going to plague my nightmares. Oh, wait. It already is. Ren finally decides that it's time to end the frog, but when the frog begs for him to do the deed, he refuses. '''Frog: HAVEN'T I SUFFERED ENOUGH?! Ren: ''thinks about this for a moment, then stands up and drops the hammer'' No. from ''Chicken Little '''Mr. Enter: '''To think that I once hated characters as tame as Peggy Fucking Hill and Buck Fucking Cluck! Even not watching the original ''Ren and Stimpy, '' I know that Ren was never this screwed up. Even Patrick Star, Brian Griffin--whoever the hell--isn't this screwed up. Yeah, they're trying to show me that Ren is screwed up, but why? It's obviously not to tell jokes. If this is their idea of comedy, then these are people that I legitimately never want to see in my lifetime, and if I do, I'm never going to let any animals near them, that's for sure. But as a horror story, it doesn't work... ''Even if it failed to make any of them funny. ...because you can't follow something that tried to tell jokes for twenty-two minutes with this. Not to mention that it bastardizes an already established character. Not to mention that there are many areas where they're trying to tell jokes. Then, Ren starts smoking. This doesn't work because they already did the "people are smoking when they shouldn't be" joke. Look, ma! No backgrounds in this aired-on-television cartoon! That's right, this episode was aired on TV, Spike TV to be precise. Ren says that sleeping that night was great, so Mr. Horse pulls out a gun. Ren apparently slept great that night, even though the frog taps on the window. Ren shuts the window and goes back to sleep. Sometime later, Ren returns home from school, but is stopped by his father with another stock sound effect, which really does kill the dramatic mood. Wait a minute, that's supposed to be Ren's father? Do some fucking research! Priests, Catholic ones, at least, cannot get married! Yes, it's just a cartoon that probably has some logical lapses, but there's absolutely no reason for him to be a priest! Okay, why the fuck does the frog have a human ear on his head? Where the hell did that come from? On-on second thought, I don't wanna know. Then we see a live-action green hand for... some reason, and then we see Ren's mother puking on everything. God, I just got done with this kind of shit! Ren's father tells him that there's only one thing left for him to do, and then he gives him a gun, but the mother freaks out. Then, we get another stock sound effect, and she hands him a chainsaw. They walks outside towards the Finishing Tree. C... Father: ''the mother'' He's not a baby anymore! Mr. Enter: '...ould you at least ''try to have the lip movements match what he says?! The frog lies down, and Ren starts the chainsaw in another scene that goes on way too fucking long! 'Father: '''No one could say we didn't raise our boy right. '''Mr. Enter: '"If we could, then maybe we could hint at where this shit was coming from!" Now, we get the chainsaw sex scene, as I call it. Ren's parents start making out while the sound of chainsaws can be heard in the background. Wait a minute, I've actually heard sexual moaning overlaid with the sound of chainsaws in some other piece of media. Where...where was it? from ''The Path Oh, yeah! ''The Path, a HORROR VIDEO GAME! Personally, I play a lot of horror video games, and I don't think I've come across anything quite as disturbing as what's going on here. "But, if they're trying to tell a horror story, wouldn't that be a good thing?" No! It tries to tell too many jokes for it to work as a horror story! Like having what sparks this be pretty much the most miniscule thing and overlaying it with Bambi's bastardization. The episode wants to be funny, it wants to make Ren's demented nature comedic. Of course, Ren misses with the chainsaw and throws the frog out. It's also made extremely clear that the frog's in dire pain, by being "comedically" over the top. 'Ren: '''Soon came the onset of "pooberty"... '''Mr. Enter: '''I do ''not want to know! 'Ren: '...and I met Stimpy. What a silly idiot. 'Mr. Enter: '''Oh, God. Are we gonna learn just what he did? For those who don't remember, Ren says that what he did to Stimpy was terrible, even for him. And it was enough for this ''fuckwit to feel guilty about it. 'Ren: '''Why, I remember the first time I slapped Stimpy. He hardly even felt it. '''Mr. Enter: '''What the fuck is the point here?! You're just telling us what we already know! I-it's not even shocking anymore! '''Ren: '''So, I slapped him harder... and harder! ''But, he wouldn't go down! 'Mr. Enter: '''Are you talking about attempting to murder Stimpy or plunge a toilet? Mr. Horse asks what's wrong with Ren, AND GOOD GOD, WHAT IS WRONG WITH MR. HORSE'S FACE?! '''Ren: '''Anyway, it's not like that. He's my friend; just a friend. '''Mr. Enter: '''Correct me if I'm wrong, but aren't Ren and Stimpy supposed to be a gay couple in ''"Adult Party Cartoon"? I'm just saying that because there's a whole episode where Ren knocks Stimpy up... somehow. I'm complaining about it bastardizing the original, and Ren and Stimpy's "Adult Party Cartoon" can't even get its own goddamn continuity right! Ren says that he did something so horrible that he can't even say it, and of course, we don't get to hear it. You know how this joke usually works? By having what Ren did be super innocent, like accidentally leaving the toilet seat up. It wouldn't excuse anything else we've seen, but at least it would've completed the joke and have built up to something! Instead, it's not really much of anything. Hell, even the facial expressions don't really convey much. We don't even get to hear a bunch of random words that could be nodal implements for either a comedic or horror story. Speaking of jokes, some guy gives Mr. Horse a carrot in a joke that doesn't really go anywhere. Then Ren asks Mr. Horse what he thinks is wrong with him. In my opinion, the correct term is "sociopathy". Ha-ha, the horse was drawing breasts this whole time. Nice. Then, Mr. Horse proceeds to beat Ren up. '''Mr. Horse: ''YOU'RE FUCKIN' CRAZY, THAT'S WHAT'S WRONG WITH YOU!!!'' Mr. Enter: 'Ah-ah-ah, ''evil. Not crazy. 'Ren: '''NOW, YOU'RE TELLING ME I'M CRAZY?! WHAT KIND OF A PSYCHOLOGIST ARE YOU?! '''Mr. Horse: '''Psychologist?! Are you nuts?! I'm a ''horse! 'Mr. Enter: '''And Ren's father was both a priest and a Chihuahua! I don't get the joke here! Is it that "help" can refer to, like, physical labor, in which a horse could help you with? If that was the case, he was acting too much like a therapist for the joke to be complete. Then, Mr. Horse begins to, in his own words, beat the living hell out of Ren. It happens in a pretty brutal fashion, too. Also, I love all the little shortcuts they took to cut the animation budget. Finally, Ren fights back... like a cat, for some reason. Mr. Horse tries to fight with the gun, but Ren takes it and beats him presumably to death. Some animal control people arrive and try to wrangle Ren up, but then, the Silent Hill sirens go off and Ren bite off one of their hands. Ren swallows it in a grotesque fashion, and he gets all wrangled up. They escape out of there with some blood spurting on the floor. Finally, the frog appears out of nowhere, crawls as slowly as possible across the floor, and tries to shoot himself. Instead, it turns out to be one of those bang guns, and the frog lives on in even more pain, despite the fact that he should've died years ago by now. And that's how the episode ends. ''to the video's thumbnail image Thank fucking God it's over. You know what the sad part is? People say that this is the best episode of Adult Party Cartoon. Is it? I don't know, I haven't watched any of the other episodes, and since this is the worst thing I've ever reviewed thus far, and I'm ever going to review, I'm not gonna watch the other episodes. I refuse to. If I had to guess as to why this is considered to be the best, it's that this episode does something other than try to gross people out in various ways. But it's too disturbing to be seen as comedic, and tries to tell too many jokes to be played straight. And it gets so confused, that it begins to feel like the disturbing shit is the joke that they're trying to tell. No matter what story they're trying to tell, it takes too long to get started, takes too long to do it, and has next to no pay-off. Most of the jokes they do tell are either gross or don't understand the basics of comedy. The production is shit. A lot of people keep telling me that this is supposed to be overly dramatic. Ren and Stimpy is supposed to be a comedy, it's always been a comedy. I'm not saying that it can only do comedy, but comedy is what you come to a show like this for. Going to this for dramatic tension is like going to Family Guy for political commentary. It just doesn't belong there. What do the elver...What do the o..What do the other episodes do, they be gross? Oh, they take care of a baby made out of shit! There's more ways to disgust a person than pure imagery. It's like why people hate "A Pal for Gary" more than "The Splinter." In fact, you might as well call this the "A Pal for Gary" of all animation. Think about it, it starts off with nothing but sap, has tons of animal abuse, disturbing content where it shouldn't be, and a character bastardized to make the cruelty worse. But unlike "A Pal for Gary," I felt a piece of myself die after watching this. sighs I-I felt... broken after watching this. Yes, I find this episode that... horrifically bad. Signing out. '''Ren & Stimpy is owned by Viacom. "Ren Seeks Help" was written by John K. and Richard Pursel. Richard Pursel is currently working on SpongeBob. Credits song: "Silent Hill 2- True" This video was made for review purposes and falls under Fair Use. No copyright infringement was intended by this video, and this is NOT intended to be a substitute for the animation in question. Thank you for watching. I'm... I'm gonna go lay down for a while and contemplate. Next Admirable Animation: Top 25 SpongeBob Episodes Next Animated Atrocity: Truth or Square Category:Animated Atrocities Category:Season 2 Category:Transcripts